Proof! There is no God.

Worst. Cover. Ever.

-Briana Hernandez

The results are in!

Something beautiful happened tonight in San Francisco. Beer was tossed, heated exchanges were had, and rock fists were thrown high in the air. The US Air Guitar Championships came to San Francisco for the regional tournament before a sold out crowd at the Independent. Our local winner will go on to New York to compete for the title of US Air Guitar National Champion. Last year's regional winner, Hot "Lixx" Hoolihan, went on to win in New York and represent the United States at the World Championship in Finland. He automatically has a seat in New York to defend his national title.

And the 2007 SF regional winner is... the air guitarist formerly known as Stinky Rick: Ricky Stinkfingers. His airness shined among a field of mediocrity (with a few exceptions). Congratulations, Mr. Stinkfinger! May you serve the Bay Area proud in the Big Apple.

Update: This is your representative at nationals, San Francisco!



- Jess Hemerly

2nd Annual Audio vs Visual FX paintball battle a total blast

Last year me and my fellow comrades got our asses whipped by the nerds, err, Storm Troopers at ILM. (But they had a couple of pros on their team - SF Hornets.) This year those pesky FX geeks didn't show up. Nonetheless, us 880 Metal Necks battled each other in the eucalyptus trees of American Canyon. Yours truly captured a flag and got shot execution style by bitch ass Mari. I've never been so sore in my life.

RIP Rod Beck

Only you could could rock the handle bar mustache and curly mullet. That intimidating stare and animated delivery are badly missed, and needed more than ever. Pour one out for Captain Beck now.

Regarding My Interview with The Horrors

The interview was with Faris only, the singer. By the end of this description, we can hate me together.

First, people have told me that he is one ugly dude. I’ve seen him perform before, and I would have agreed with that, but with his hair aside and actually seeing his young, boyish face, um… pretty nice. So I wasn’t prepared; I don’t really put effort into anything. I don’t blame him for not being interested in interviews, he does several of them a day, but he’s young, his band hasn’t even been together for two years, and shit’s going well; hi, I think you could afford to smile. He’s a smug, little punk. The Horrors think they sound like nothing else, aren’t part of a trend, and are going to last. I like them a lot, but they are an amalgamation of the post-punk, 60’s clothing fashion, dark trend happening (which isn’t bad at all).

Faris doesn’t drink alcohol, maybe that’s why we couldn’t relate.

I liked the show. A lot of people said they weren’t feeling any energy. They wear super tight pants. I kept staring at their crotches trying to observe bulges.

And so, this is why we can hate me. I’m so attracted to him now. I hate when bitches like assholes. Star fuckers are annoying too. And wow, I’m that.

Shopping cart.

The spoils from my latest trip to the local Rasputin are My Chemical Romance’s The Black Parade, Queens of the Stone Age’s Era Vulgaris, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum’s In Glorious Times and the largely overdue addition to my collection, Mars Volta’s Amputechture.


I have already expressed my slow-waning hatred of MCR and now it is in full retreat. I officially love this album. Songs that are fun to sing with explosive breakdowns and heartbreaking lyrics. Fucking adore it.


Again, another band that is winning me over is Queens. I never really got them before. Occasionally, I would download a song or two but they never seemed like a band with much range. And while the new single "Sick Sick Sick" is still totally them, it has some added edge that made me curious. As it turns out, the album is nothing what I expected. With moments that are so completely Beck, I was turned around on my heals. Their complexity level still bottoms out but groove and range among songs more than makes up for it. I still can’t believe that this is the same Troy Van Leeuwen whose whiny guitar was the backbone of A Perfect Circle’s Mer De Noms. Certainly turned it down a notch.


Sleepytime’s new album is a listen in progress much like the rest of their discography. It is not music to be taken lightly or pushed into the background. It refuses. It is even for the majority of the time uncomfortable to listen to. Sleepytime has always made music for the champion ear, the cultured listener who actually lacks enough of a social life to have time to chew on it. I, unfortunately, have lacked the discipline but have thus far liked what I’ve heard. If it is even a shadow of the stuff I heard live I’ll be happy.


Can’t believe I am just now buying this album. I’ll admit that I had the slightest hesitation from all the filler I had to endure on Francis the Mute. It had such great songs but god was it a chore to listen to, much like Sleepytime only for different reasons. Where Sleepytime’s discomfort is in the structure and tonality, Mars’ is from the sheer length of songs with their unnecessary interludes. However, Amputechture seems to be mercifully sparse of these. Of course, it wouldn’t be Mars if the songs still weren’t 14 minutes long yet they are more unified and, as a result, enamoring. However, what I would really like to see is the intensity of these last two albums molded into the structure of the first two. Deloused wasn’t as breath-taking as anything after it, but each song stuck out as a separate entity making the album more digestible and impacting. With Francis, after a while you’d zone out and the usage of leitmotif would bring you back thinking you had the same song on repeat for two hours. From the feel of Amputechture, Mars is slowly reaching a balance.

Oh. I also bought a Devo shirt. It’s fucking sweet.

-Briana Hernandez

Locals coming together for Internet radio

With the July 15 deadline looming around the corner, friends of Internet radio are throwing a benefit to "Save Net Radio" at the Bottom of the Hill on July 1. It's sort of like a hippie locking himself to a tree. Our friends at Sonicliving and MyOpenBar are willing to lay down in front of the bull dozers. We'll be right next to them.

In case you've been living on the Atlantis Space Shuttle, royalty rates for webcasters have been drastically increased by a recent ruling and are due to go into effect on July 15 (retroactive to Jan 1, 2006!). If the increased rates remain unchanged, the majority of webcasters will go bankrupt and silent on this date. That's pretty fucked up, right?

The benefit is hosted by Elise from Soma FM & Ted from Bagel Radio and features live music from members of The Heavenly States, The Herms, HIJK, Peloton, and surprise guests!

More info: Save Net Radio
Event info: SonicLiving

Rant #1

Not trying to be a total dick or anything, but there are some things that I really need to get off my chest.

1. Never send an advance CD that is shrink wrapped. Not that my time is precious, but it kind of is and there's nothing worse than unwrapping a CD.

2. Don't email me wondering where your CD review is. We're an all-volunteer staff and we're doing our best to get to as much as we can. We'll def let you know when it's reviewed. If you really need to email, then just ask if we received the album, not when are we reviewing it.

3. Don't send in albums that were released in 2005. Do I need to explain this.

4. Don't send in an album without a one sheet or bio about you and your band. If you can't take the time to tell us who you are, why should we?

5. Don't send in a Sharpie-scrawled on CDR expecting a CD review. I mean really, that's like writing a resume on a Post It. Track us down when you're set to release an EP or something.

That's cool for now. Please post a comment if you disagree.

Tonight: Audiophiles at the Elbo Room

Ever wonder what it would sound like if a bunch of teenagers got together and formed a good band? If so, come down to the Elbo Room tonight at 9 to check out the Audiophiles. They're not just good for a bunch of teenagers; they're downright talented kids. With some attention from BoingBoing and recent appearances at Maker Faire and Brainwash, these guys are definitely a Bay Area band to watch.

I think this may be only the third time in history that I'm actually going to a show specifically to see the first opening band. Get there by 9 if you want to catch them.

Lead guitarist Greg Fleischut also happens to be a pretty great bluegrass guitarist. Check out this clip of a jam session recorded in Brookline with Greg and some of his friends:


- Jess Hemerly

Emergency Appendectomy and a Slut’s Dating Tip

I had a strange couple of weeks, but I learned from it, babies.

1. If you have a weird stomach ache and it doesn’t go away after 9 hours and you think a fan is your mom, please go to the ER. And get this, I have done one thing right in my life; I got health insurance a couple months ago. Can you imagine me living in Fucked City? Anyway, staying at the hospital was weird. Everyone is the same there. All we want is to be healthy again and we don’t give a shit about wearing ugly dresses. Most importantly, I was wondering when I’d be able to board my booze train to hell. Follow my procedure:

One week later: Took Saturday night easy, a bottle of sake and split a tall beer in the WC, then headed over to the Kona Club in Piedmont for three pints. Sunday morning, gambled my life away at the Oaks Card Club—just don’t go there. There will never be a reason for it—Manhattan after Manhattan. My innards were hurting. My belly button oozed.

Two weeks later: Wasted at our show to the point I couldn’t remember minute-twenty songs I had been singing for a year. At one point I divulged my sexual blunders and then offered glimpses of my “salami nipples.” You can do it too.

2. I have game galore, so listen. Ladies, get your fuck on. No need to feel guilty, just don’t cheat and keep your shit clean. Dear god, how do you stop someone in the middle of getting it on and say, “By the way, would you mind licking around the sores?” Not cool. Dudes, you need to figure your shit out. I’m the only girl where I work so I’ve heard every boring version of their story. If you like a chick, work for it (and I don’t just mean send a text). If you don’t, can you not waster her (my) time. But here’s my big lesson, do not run your mouth. I insist on telling every intimate detail to anyone. Why? People have too much shit on me. And you people tell me shit, and then I tell everyone. So there.

-The Mari

RIP Rock Stars.

A special thanks to the man who took my virginity and also inspired the following rant.

I just read an article in Spin about the death of the rock star. It was making a point that the people who are making the best record sales and have the most famous music aren't even recognizable themselves. They look and act like regular civilians.

First, I agree with this. You aren't hearing these legendary motor-cycle-driven-through-a-hotel-lobby, fucked-a-groupie-with-a-swordfish, set-the-drummer-on-fire stories anymore about the most popular bands in the world.

Then again, who the fuck cares? Look at the state of pop music right now. I don't fucking care what these shmoes do backstage just as much as I don't care what they do onstage.

Besides, pop music isn't the edgy thing anymore. It becomes the edgy thing for about five minutes every decade until corperate music rapes it into oblivion. The truth is, the rock star is alive and well but the only thing is that he ain't no star. Not yet.

Furthermore, to play devil's advocate, what is so wrong with the death of the rock star? Grant it, I don't like the reason why the rock star is dead today but I have never been one to think that music is about the people who create it. To a certain extent, maybe. It's only natural to be interested in a musician you think is brilliant but only in context to how they create. Not how they bang chicks, drink copious amounts of booze, snort copious amounts of drugs...ANYBODY CAN DO THAT! ITS NOTHING SPECIAL. I DRESS FUNNY AND GET FUCKED UP ALL THE TIME AND THAT JUST MAKES ME NORMAL. Who gives a shit that no one took Tommy Lee's place in the Rock n Roll Decadence Hall of Fame? I sure as fuck don't. I care that people are making bad music and clogging the way for good music to get into people's earshots. But I never worry about that too much. Because, like I said, five minutes every ten years. For five minutes, it is actually easy to find good music. Until then, its just a little more of a mission.

-Briana Hernandez

I'm pretty sure it doesn't get any better than this!