Nellie Furtado, Stop Making Us Uncomfortable. We See Through You. Thanks.

She doesn’t even seem like an artist. She’s wrapping paper on a present. It’s like someone sat her down, showed her how women wiggle in videos and she’s rigid, trying to be sexy while mimicking. That “I’m like a bird” song was annoying as shit, but at least it seemed natural. I’m not anti ditching creativity for making songs that sell, and I think she’s made the “right” move for her entertainment career, but where’s the heart?

Let me add here, I too enjoyed getting my grind on to “Promiscuous” but that’s all Timbaland; he has magic down. He figured out the perfect hit patent that entertains and hooks mainstream listeners, beezeys, and boring guys who like to dance (I revere Timbaland). The song with Nellie, Justin, and Timbaland? It’s a Brangelina. But really, there’s no art to any of it, except Timbaland’s ability to manipulate anything into money. Now, Fergie and Ciara do it well and it seems right. I consider American Idol turds, actors who have money to make them singers, and strippers more satisfying in there supplemented singer manufactings. Dear Nellie, currently, you are the insecure girl at the club fake laughing at jokes you don’t realize but are about you.

(What is she? Puerto Rican?)

-The Mari